We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I wish you could order shots online.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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