Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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