The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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