so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
