Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you would pick up someone in the library
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
