So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
