a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
