I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't put those talents on a resume
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
