I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
