..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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