just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
