you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
