I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
