i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
