two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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