You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
