I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
