no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish my penis had an off switch
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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