ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
