I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
