3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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