also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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