Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
