So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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