It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
