dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
