So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
