You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
