I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize