1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Operation Purity has been aborted
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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