just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
