Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
