I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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