I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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