yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
