I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
