her vagine was all disorganized.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
