Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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