Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
