look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
