I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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