So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I need a beard to bite.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
