Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
