____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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