I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
