Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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