i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
