Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
