Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
