Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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